An Attitude of Powerlessness

[Marcie]

"I have to have An Attitude of Powerlessness" These words hit me right between the eyes last night. I've been in one of those valleys for a little too long for my comfort. It was getting a little scary. I did not want to pray the prayers or read the pages in the Big Book that have helped to keep me sober so far. One of the things I've been taught is not to try and figure out what's wrong. I've been taught and have learned, when it's time these things will become clear. (Or sponsor will tell me )

When one of our friends said these words, I could see one thing that has been blocking me. People are not doing/behaving the way I think they should. I believed their behavior would look bad on me. (I was failing) And the big one, for me, is I have to do something I don't really want to do. It's the right thing for the person involved, although they won't think so, and for me. I hate this kind of stuff. My job is done, I've done and gone as far as I can and it's time for me to let go.

While reading this morning, I found I've been telling my Higher Power what I want Him to do, not asking for His Will to be done. No wonder I've been in a funk. huh???

[caressa]

Thanks for sharing. Love the topic. Identify with the situation. One thing I do when I find myself in a place I don't like, I tell myself to get back to basics. It is often something I am not doing, and whether it is not letting go and letting God; or just not sure what direction to go; or which decision to make, I find it helps me to apply the principles of Step One, which for me is honesty, surrender and acceptance.

I need the program just as much now as I did 18 years ago. Sometimes I forget to do some of those 'do' things, and end up wondering how I got where I am at. Duh!!!

[Marcie]

I have to do something I don't really want to do. It's the right thing for the person involved, although they won't think so, and for me. I hate this kind of stuff. My job is done, I've done and gone as far as I can and it's time for me to let go.

What an order!!! I didn't want to go through with it!!!

But, with the guidance of a trusted few and all the strength I could get from My Higher Power, I did lovingly and honestly have a talk that needed to be had. The ball is in their court, it's their choice. It was really rough, but, grace of God, all seem to still be sober (or dry). I have become so close with some of my A.A. fellows and it seems to get in the way of being honest with them sometimes. And this, for sure, does not help them in their recovery. Well, looks like I've got some defects I need to look at and be honest about and I might share those with you later.

[caressa]

Really like this because in the Big Book it says that a spiritual experience is a change in attitude. A big enough change to bring about new awareness and healing. When I read your post, I thought of how difficult it has been in letting go of my son's actions. I picked up the phone and called him the other day. He had moved and I hadn't heard from him. It ended up he was out of town. Oh yea of little faith and found myself checking up on him. I think it is alright to detach and set boundaries and yet that doesn't mean closing my door to him if he is clean and sober. My phone call ended up with him calling me the next day and asking me for cigarette money and mother breaking down and giving in because she wanted to see him. He gets paid on Wednesday the same as I do.

I am as powerless over his disease as I am over my own.

[Marcie]

Thanks Caressa.