Chaos/Confrontation

[caressa]

Today the topic was on "C" words at my home group. The first thoughts I had on this topic was chaos and how if it wasn't there I created it. It was a way life and I didn't feel comfortable unless it was there.

I shared about talking to my spiritual adviser/NA sponsor and telling him that something didn't feel right and went on to describe my situation. He said, "Did you ever stop to think that you just might have found serenity. My reaction was "Duh! You think so!" This was around two years clean and sober.

Now that I am clean, I can handle the chaos if I choose or I can walk away, knowing in today, that I have a choice.

I always had a problem with confrontation and thanks to the program, I am better able to handle it. It generally was a result of the chaos, so if I have less chaos, I have less need to confront someone on their behavior. I am better able to accept people when they confront me on my stuff because on the most part, I am my own person in today.

The slogan "How Important Is It" helps with that. There are times when I need to stand up and be heard and there are others times I can let it go and just consider the source.

When I am high on acceptance and have low expectations, I don't create the need or the action to act out my disease or confront someone else because today I know I am as powerless over their addiction as I am over my own. I just know that when I accept my powerlessness and surrender to the program and the God of my under sanding, then I am empowered to do what I need to do for myself.

[caressa222]

Talked to a fellow passenger today. She said she had trouble getting at seat on buses, people who are not disabled sitting in the seats. She says I can sit at the back, but can't get off at the back of the bus. One time I fell. I said, "Don't worry, I fell getting on the bus." I also told that when someone is occupying the disabled seats, I tell them this is for disabled, you don't look disabled to me, can you give me a seat" or I say, "Can you please move."

There was a time that I couldn't speak up for myself. If they don't move, they don't move. That is their stuff. I am not going to have a drag down fight over it but I can express my right to be in today.

[majestyjo]

That is appropriate for me today. I was feeling a lot of pain so got my Chrystal book and cards out. I pulled Lapis Lazuli, Bumble Bee and Polychrome Jasper. Not good, my heart, spleen, and stomach all need healing. The chaos is within me.

[caressa222]

My C word today is Control. It is an illusion. I can only control my life through the Good Orderly Direction I get from my Higher Power. I can't control people, places, and things.

Haven't had much sleep today, but I can't expect to sleep if I don't lie down.