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Post by caressa on Jan 22, 2010 14:05:28 GMT -5
Found this quote and my immediate thought was, "Yes, if you are honest." I know that I had to take several inventories before I could obtain and kind of true self-honesty. Things stayed buried because I wasn't able and willing to address them or I compared myself to others and thought the picture was okay, forgetting that it was my picture not theirs.
Other times, I knew they were there but chose to ignore them or thought because of acknowledging them, they were fixed. Everythings is a process and it takes more than words to make them better.
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Post by caressa on Jul 12, 2010 9:16:27 GMT -5
Thought I was honest, in fact if you told me that I was lying, you highly offended me.
It took me a long time to find the difference between honesty and self-honesty.
In today, I speak my own truth. I pray each day and ask for it.
There is a difference in saying, "I honesly don't know" and saying, "I am not sure of what you mean, would you please explain to me how you arrived at that decision?"
I can tell you what it means to me. I am also big enough to let you agree to disagree with me.
I walk in my truth today. After 18 years of Big Book, 12 & 12 and discussion meetings, I have soaked up a lot of information. There was a period in my life that I couldn't read books. I was so grateful for the internet. I don't know what I will do if I lose my site and my fingers are too crippled to type. Not sure if voice activated internet services are considered necessary in order to get government assistance.
Yet those are things down the road. I just need to look at one's day's thoughts, one day's actions, one day's circumstances, etc.
What is my truth in today, may change in tomorrow.
My recovery growth happened at 1, 3, 5, 7, 11, and 14 years of sobriety. Yet each day is a living thing. I had a guy say to me once over coffee, "Is all you ever talk and think about is recovery?" I said, "I think so, it gave me back my life and thanks to the program I do have a life."
When I get honest, I can see that too others, it isn't much of one and yet it is mine and so much better than the alternative. I do volunteer, I do get out to meetings when I can, which isn't often, I go to play bridge once or twice a week. I am a moderator on two sites as well as posting here on FB. I have my own sites that I have built up over time that I seldom have time to go to in today.
When I get honest, I see that I never had it so good. I certainly didn't have a computer back then. I use to think it was really good to sit with friend in the Legion and drink my life away. Not going out into the sunshine, taking one walk, if I felt like it around the country fair, not going to my son's hockey games because I 'embarassed' him by my cheering. So much of life I missed out on because I couldn't get honest with me and recognize that I had a problem.
I had to get honest with myself and see when I was in a pity party, when I was full of myself, when I was back in the stinking thinking, when I was taking another person's inventory which meant I had to take a look at myself because it was something being reflected in me.
Step 10 keeps me honest if I work it and get the most out of it. It is a powerful Step. Am I utilizing it to it's full potential.?
I stole time, ideas and attention from others. I was generally cash register honest because this good little Christian girl could not cheat you out of your money. Yet having said that, "I had to listen to the Seventh Traditon." I had to be fully self-supporting in all my affairs.
When I got honest, applied the Steps and the Traditions to my life, I learned how to walk this program, not just talk it.
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. I will be back looking for Lin and others.