Forgive and Forget?

[SunnyGirl]

Our next suggested meeting topic is Resentments....
This is always a good topic for me and one that I work on often.

"I can forgive, but I cannot forget," is only another way of saying,
I will not forgive. Forgiveness ought to be like a canceled note -
torn in two, and burned up, so that it never can be shown
against one. - - Henry Ward Beecher

I am aware that holding on to resentments is more hurtful
for me than it is the person I resent. But, forgiving them for
their actions is one thing, forgetting about what was done is
an entirely different situation. As I read the quote above it
got me thinking, it made perfect sense. I need to re-evaluate
filing away information so I can go back and refer to it later!

When someone has done harm to me, hopefully I will have
learned a lesson and for this I can be grateful. I have no
right to judge other people, or keeping score of how many
times they have hurt me. If I have learned a crucial life lesson
from them, even if it's a good example of how I don't want
to act or be perceived, then I should say a prayer of gratitude
and let it go!

Do you have a problem with hanging on to resentments?
Do you forgive and forget? Please share......

I also hope you will join us for this next week's "Open Recovery
Meeting" on Wednesday, for more sharing on Resentments.....

Peace on the journey, SunnyGirl

[caressa]

It has been my experience that we need to forgive, even though we can't forget. I think that I am not apt to forget some of the things that happened to me and yet, I don't forgive for the other person, I do it for myself so that I can live with it.

The promises say we will not forget the past or wish to shut the door on it. I need to remember what it was like, learn from it, and leave it in the past and not bring it into today. When it appears, then I need to pray, ask for help, feel the feeling and let it go. As my sponsor told me many years ago, just because we dealt with something once, doesn't mean it won't come back again.

Recovery is an ongoing thing for me. It is about dealing with what IS in today.

[SunnyGirl]

With me, forgiveness comes in two steps.....

A. I forgive the person (and this is the most important
part for my serenity)

B. The second part is to forget about the person-event
or what ever caused me hurt and pain.

I find that I learn a valuable lesson each time this happens.
Most of these lessons have come from life's experiences and
I gain a little wisdom with each incident.

Never lend a friend money! I may give a friend money, but
never with the expectation that it will be repayed. It's much the
same with family members, if I am repaid that's wonderful, but
if not, why should I let the fact of their not repaying disrupt my
serenity. I either give them the money gladly or write out a
contract. Then there is no "forgive & forget......

"Forgiving is the act of love between you and a person who
has hurt you; the bandage that holds the wound together
long enough to heal. Forgetting is also an act of love; in
rehabilitation therapy, helping the wounded return to a full
and functional life."
www.livestrong.com/article/14679-handling-forgiving-and-forgetting/

Forgive and forget isn't easy, but it's worth it.... ODAT

Peace on the journey, SunnyGirl

[caressa]

For me, there is forgetting, and 'forgetting' something that doesn't play in my mind all the time. I don't remember the sight of my brother being killed and hour house being struck by lightening. Yet my body remembered for years.

The sexual and physical abuse doesn't play on my mind like it use to, it doesn't occupy my thoughts to the exclusion of all others, yet I never forget that it happened.

I remember my mother pouring scalding water over my foot and though it was an accident, I can remember the pain and had a picture of my bandaged foot to help me remember. I know today it was probably more my fault than hers and yet for many years I wasn't able to take ownership.

The remembering didn't stop me from letting go of the anger and forgiveness I needed to move on and leave things in the past. I no longer carry resentment against people in my past until such a time as a new memory surfaces. They still do after 18 years of sobriety. Thankfully, I have to tools to deal with them.

Forgiveness is for me, not for the person in my life who I needed to forgive. It was about learning that I needed to forgive myself and God who I resented for years.

Unless I feel the feelings, I can not truly let it go. To do otherwise is to pay lip service and does not heal the pain but puts a band aid on it and covers it up only to fester until it bursts open and makes itself known time and again until such a time as I am ready to deal with it.

[majestyjo]

Do you forgive anf forget?

I was told to forgive the person, but that doesn't mean you have to forgive the act.

[caressa222]

"I can forgive, but I cannot forget," is only another way of saying,
I will not forgive. Forgiveness ought to be like a canceled note -
torn in two, and burned up, so that it never can be shown against one. - - Henry Ward Beecher

Some very enlightening words.