Post by caressa on Jul 18, 2010 11:05:40 GMT -5
The Gift Of Desperation
"Our disease always resurfaced or continued to progress until, in desperation, we sought help from each other in Narcotics Anonymous."
Basic Text, p. 13
When I was introduced to NA, it was to the literature and I am not sure if the meetings had even started yet. I loved the literature when my friend Kelly introduced me to it in Treatment. She so loved this program, so sad that she never lived to enjoy it for very many years. To me she was the angel of NA.
It was because of her that I kept going. I didn't always feel welcomed by others but that didn't matter, I knew I was an addict. I made the decision to go to the other fellowship because of my denial about alcohol. I had to learn to identify and not compare.
When I got honest, I looked at my life. When something was put in front of me, I tried it (pot and hash). There was no thought of saying no. I got a resentment because I lost my booze both times. I had already had a resentment toward the boyfriend because he wasn't filling my glass fast enough. I resented losing my glow and I was out to have a good time and enjoy myself. I didn't plan to be in the bathroom on all fours with my head in the toilet and having to crawl to a couch to lie down. Waking up to find the 'boyfriend' of the evening on the other couch who had been kind enough to cover me with my jacket. Then a guy asks me, "What happened to you, you missed a good party, it was a blast." Prior to my being sick, they were sitting around like a bunch of dunder heads, then they joined in the circle and guess the got feeling good. I got feeling very sick.
When I tried the pot, I had the same reaction only I lost a days worth of drinking instead of just 4 drinks on the other occasion. Having to let my husband drive me home was in pure desperation because I wouldn't let me drive if he had three beers but pot made me totally incapable of driving my VW.
My drug of choice was pills. They were like dried-up alcohol to me and I had the same symptoms. Blackouts and hangovers happen with pills too.
When I came to recovery, I was desperate enough to go to any length. It was my life. I knew I was an addict, some is good, more is better.
I had a sponsor whose attitude toward me was that I wasn't a real addict because I didn't do street drugs. Needless to say, I had to part with her. Going back to where I came from was never an option. I was willing to go to any lengths for my sobriety (soundness of mind) and I did. My NA sponsor and spiritual advisor was a man who also went to AA and celebrates almost 50 years of sobriety. He knew both books and taught me so much. My present AA sponsor was addicted to Heroin. She found NA a trigger for her so she went to AA.
It is about doing what ever it takes. Using isn't an option for me. After putting down my drug of choice. I had to look at food, cigarettes, works, computer, service, and other addictions.
"Our disease always resurfaced or continued to progress until, in desperation, we sought help from each other in Narcotics Anonymous."
Basic Text, p. 13
When I was introduced to NA, it was to the literature and I am not sure if the meetings had even started yet. I loved the literature when my friend Kelly introduced me to it in Treatment. She so loved this program, so sad that she never lived to enjoy it for very many years. To me she was the angel of NA.
It was because of her that I kept going. I didn't always feel welcomed by others but that didn't matter, I knew I was an addict. I made the decision to go to the other fellowship because of my denial about alcohol. I had to learn to identify and not compare.
When I got honest, I looked at my life. When something was put in front of me, I tried it (pot and hash). There was no thought of saying no. I got a resentment because I lost my booze both times. I had already had a resentment toward the boyfriend because he wasn't filling my glass fast enough. I resented losing my glow and I was out to have a good time and enjoy myself. I didn't plan to be in the bathroom on all fours with my head in the toilet and having to crawl to a couch to lie down. Waking up to find the 'boyfriend' of the evening on the other couch who had been kind enough to cover me with my jacket. Then a guy asks me, "What happened to you, you missed a good party, it was a blast." Prior to my being sick, they were sitting around like a bunch of dunder heads, then they joined in the circle and guess the got feeling good. I got feeling very sick.
When I tried the pot, I had the same reaction only I lost a days worth of drinking instead of just 4 drinks on the other occasion. Having to let my husband drive me home was in pure desperation because I wouldn't let me drive if he had three beers but pot made me totally incapable of driving my VW.
My drug of choice was pills. They were like dried-up alcohol to me and I had the same symptoms. Blackouts and hangovers happen with pills too.
When I came to recovery, I was desperate enough to go to any length. It was my life. I knew I was an addict, some is good, more is better.
I had a sponsor whose attitude toward me was that I wasn't a real addict because I didn't do street drugs. Needless to say, I had to part with her. Going back to where I came from was never an option. I was willing to go to any lengths for my sobriety (soundness of mind) and I did. My NA sponsor and spiritual advisor was a man who also went to AA and celebrates almost 50 years of sobriety. He knew both books and taught me so much. My present AA sponsor was addicted to Heroin. She found NA a trigger for her so she went to AA.
It is about doing what ever it takes. Using isn't an option for me. After putting down my drug of choice. I had to look at food, cigarettes, works, computer, service, and other addictions.
. I will be back looking for Lin and others.