Weekly Topic: Flexible or Rigid

[SunnyGirl]

Am I flexible or rigid?

"The Twelve Steps are given to us as a "suggested" program
of recovery. It is a program that works because it takes us out
of our rigid ways. We are continually made new. That is the
vitality of the spiritual life." - Touchstones

I love the slogan, "nothing changes if nothing changes"....
I have all my life, thought of myself as being flexible in most
situations. Recently, my daughter accused me of being of
being very rigid.... I was blown away, but it did make me sit
down and try to see what it was doing that might cause her
to think this.

I have now come to the conclusion that in my "golden years"
I have become more rigid in my beliefs and actions. Not all
subjects are up for debate but I have made an effort to
quit sweating the small stuff. In my kitchen, I have a place
for everything and everything should be returned to that
space when your done using it. But, is having everything
exactly where I expect it to be a BIG DEAL or just a small
annoyance. I need to remember to pick my battles wisely....

Being flexible is a goal I will attempt to reach, it makes a
relationship with others much easier.... I just need to let go
of trying to control everything around me and open myself
up to new experiences. We can all learn to live each day
and face it with the lessons we learn in recovery. Growth
and change can only happen if I open up and become just
a little more flexible.....

Any thoughts?

Peace on the journey, SG

[caressa]

Not too sure about this at the moment. Anyone could make me an offer at the moment and I wouldn't refuse because I am still on a natural high from a great day.

We got along today because we were flexible. What was good for one was good for everyone. When we needed something we expressed our needs.

I think you also need to remember boundaries SG. You have a right to your own space being the way you want it. Daughter or not, to me, she should respect you and your space by putting things back where they belong. Now me, I would have a hard time doing that, so instead of hitting out at you, I would need to look at me and see why I can't do something as putting an item back where it belongs. I would probably be because I have a problem with authority. For too many years, people use to tell me what to do and told me I had no rights.

So flexible is good, but not when it compromises who I am. Rigid is not good, if I can't see someone else's viewpoint, yet I can always agree to disagree.

When it comes to my program, recovery is first and the priority in my life. Without me, I have nothing, neither does my family and friends. i can't live my life through others in today. I can learn to live my life with others today.

[caressa]

God help us from those who believe that they are the sole possessors of truth. How we manage at times to agree willingly to become prisoners within our own minds and souls of beliefs and ideas on which we can never be flexible.

King Hussein I

For so many years, I was a prisoner of my own mind. I didn't know I had the choice and that I could change.


Feelings of worth can flourish only in an atmosphere where individual differences are appreciated, mistakes are tolerated, communication is open, and rules are flexible - the kind of atmosphere that is found in a nurturing family.

Virginia Satir

Because for so many years, in childhood and as an adult, I never found that nurturing and didn't know to look for it within.

I always said, "Rules were meant to be broken if not badly bent to fit the occasion." Unfortunately, some of my choices did not leave much room for flexability.


In the future, instead of striving to be right at a high cost, it will be more appropriate to be flexible and plural at a lower cost. If you cannot accurately predict the future then you must flexibly be prepared to deal with various possible futures.

Edward de Bono

Again, our slogan "How Important Is It?" We turn things over to our Higher Power and leave the results up to Him. That is when we need to be flexible. He may meet our needs but He doesn't always give us our wants.

I use to crochet and knit. I use to paint with acrylics, oils, craysons, etc. I love to draw. When I developed the tremon in my left hand, I wasn't able to do any more. Now that it is starting in my right, I have to ajust even more to life as it is, rather than the way I would have it be.

[SunnyGirl]

Flexible or Rigid

Thank you for sharing Caressa, excellent share....

"Rigidity is prevented most of the time as love and compassion
mesh us into tolerant human beings." —Kaethe S. Crawford

I have noticed that when my focus is rigid and narrow minded,
the gray areas become much fewer and far between. I attract
what I'm feeling and if my mind is so locked into a thought or
certain belief, I can't even recognize the goodness and happiness
that's there right in front of me.

Rigid attitudes, behaviors and expectations of others lessen, as
the level of my acceptance grows. Some days are better than
others, but I get up each day willing to do the best I can with
what I have.

"For many years I was so flexible I didn't know who I was,
and now that I'm discovering who I am, I think, "OK, I know
where I stand on that issue. Now on to the next one." But I
have to remind myself that all issues are interrelated--no one
is separate." —Kathleen Casey Theisen

This quote reminded me of myself when I first came into 12-
step recovery. I had become perfectly willing to assume the
roll of the family doormat. My alcoholic/addicted loved ones
all felt comfortable when flinging all their problems my direction
and waited for me to fix them. Setting boundaries was
particularly difficult for me, changing old patterns that I had
always held dear, was no easy feat. My only saving grace
was that my recovery friends showed me that it was possible
to grow and change.

I have learned to identify what I really want and need and
weigh it againt what my loved ones are asking for. There are
many ways to go about working it out, I've learned that being
flexible doesn't always mean I have to give up my wants and
needs.... I don't have to be a doormat!

Peace on the journey, SunnyGirl

[BW]

I understand the concept of a "place for everything and everything" as I hate scavenger hunts but then I have lived alone for so long that in that respect I guess one would call me rigid however when in comes to recovery we do get to learn acceptance. For me acceptance does mean flexibility tho it also means having a core belief system. This program has given me that. And it is based on a solid unshakable foundation. Our book tells us we need not be doormats. I was in a meeting where there was a poster that I couldn't take my eyes from that had a saying on it that became ingrained in my mind. It said.."Stand up for what you believe in even if you stand alone"
For me this means I no longer have to go with the flow just to appease everyone... I no longer have to play the "peace at any price game"...If that makes me rigid..ok...I'll accept that. If I establish boundaries so that I can better take care of the child of God that I am and that makes me rigid...ok..I'll accept that too.

[caressa]

I no longer have to play the "peace at any price game"...

Thank you for affirming a long time belief of mine. I can't have my recovery at the 'expense' of others. Be it making amends or finding peace in my every day life. I can have that within, amongst the chaos.

Accepting people as they are allows me to accept who I am, which is loving and forgiving and allowing someone else their space.

So many times when I was using, life was a game. How much i could get out of it for me. I am so glad I don't have to live that way any more.

[caressa222]

Lean more to rigid. Making a stand in what I believe in and look at what I need for my Higher Good.