What do you say ?

[DJgrrl]

Hi friends.... how do you set boundaires for people who do not go to meetings ? family, friends and members.
I have had several oppurtunites to suggest Alanon or AA to people or Na. I don't know what to say. Do I offer to drive them ? How do I phrase it ? Do I say I go to Alanon and it helps me ? Or do I say I have heard Alanon helps.
I don't know if everyone knows I am going. I don't usually tell anyone. they don't ask I don't tell.
my oldest neice told me she has a rpoblem relying on pain medication. Well everyone can qualify for Alanon. Then there are various drugs, alcohol, food etc. I guess could offer tot ake them to a meeting. for several weeks. Do I intorduce them to someone to help them ?
My youngest neice I took to Alateen meetings for a couple weeks and once to an Alanon meeting. She was a teenager so i did ask her mom and dad about Alateen. My brother did not like it. He let me know when I ahd a big slip last year. So now I feel guilty and ashamed I guess that is why I have a hard time going back to AA and Alanon.
Although it is also kind of sad that my phone calls haven't been returned when I called people or emailed them.
I don't know how peopel cna go to oen meeting a week. Also it is hard when I see -people sue it as a social program. .. or harder do not socailize with people outside of meetings. I wonder how I can help that.
Sad to see so amny people come and not stay. I like online cause I feel I need to talk. Change is hard too. Even the sponsors I ahev ahd have left the program or become unavailble. Gee hard to find one. I also think otuside help for em has really screwed up my program in ways. I even need to keep my program secret from professionasl. So many sick oens out there. I have felt a lot of myself triggering people. It's be cool to have a lsit of professionals who had a 12 Step rpcatice. HAHAA.
I knwo someoen who had a counsellor liek taht but she wouldn't give me the name. I was angry and mystified by that. oh well.
As I heard this week. Rejection is God's protection.
Thanks for reading. No need to reply to this. I jsut feel better from writing. If you do care to respond. Please share your own experience strength and hope.

[SunnyGirl]

I am responsible for setting my own personal boundaries,
I can not set other peoples, nor can they set mine.

For me, setting boundaries is like setting limits...
It begins with me taking responsibility for my boundaries.
Others can only be responsible for themselves so I don't think
they understand or even agree with my boundaries. They are
absolutely mine, I own them, protect them, and call them into
play as needed for my own well being. It's my job to communicate
how seriously I take them to others when they've been violated.

Setting healthy boundaries involved learning to say no, refusing to
do something, or refusing to interact in a certain way, if doing so
would make me feel uncomfortable or violated.

Through the years my boundaries have worked on a sliding
scale.... I've experimented with them pushed them one way
and then back again. My main goal is to maintain my serenity...
I am willing to walk away when I feel uncomfortable and to
say no when I know I will be hurt in the long run.... Today
My life has made a complete u-turn, I am responsible for my
own happiness and well being, it's not fair to place that
responsibility on others.... I get up each morning and thank
my God for a beautiful day and thank HIM for all the blessings
I've been given. I am happy to live my life ODAT.....

Peace on the journey, SG

[caressa]

Dear DJ,

Boundaries are about me, not the other person. It is about saying "No!" when I mean "No!" Saying "Yes!" when I want to say "Yes!" not because I feel like I should or what other people want me to day.

They are about healing and changing me. It is about respect and love for myself as well as others. Setting a boundary and detachment are things we do because we love ourselves as well as others.

If we can't feel that love, forgiveness, caring, compassion, etc. for ourselves, we can't give to someone else. Boundaries are to make my safe place, safe for me.

It is nice to carry the message of recovery. Yet you can't help someone who doesn't want it. In fact, it has been my experience, that if you say anything to many of my friends, they try to convince you that you don't have a problem. If you have a problem, then perhaps they do too because you drank and used like them and with them.

You can go to meetings and just occupy a chair, go for coffee and dump your woes on people who will listen. Yet if you want to recover, IMHO, you need to have a home group, have a sponsor, and work the Steps. The Steps are what the program is all about, they are the program.

If I am working my program, what other people think of me is none of my business or visa versa. I need to set boundaries, respect and love myself and know that I am worthy of recovery.

[caressa222]

They are always in need.