What's my Job?

[SunnyGirl]

Fluttering posted in "Recovery Questions, Steps & Answers"
eor.proboards.com/index.cgi?action=display&board=questions&thread=9558&page=1

What's my job?

I used to think my job was to take care of my broken loved
one's and fix all their problems. I had always thought it was
my job to clean up after them. I was a classic enabler, I was
loyal to a fault! I thought if I worked hard enough I could
fix anything or anybody. In Al-anon, I learned this is called
denial.

"In AA they hand out coffee, at Al-anon they hand out Kleenex."
- unknown

After attending many meetings and going through many
Kleenex, I've learned to stop the denial and begin dealing
with me and my recovery. Acceptance is the key! As a care-
giver I knew exactly how to tell everyone else to take care
of themselves. I was not so good at following through with
my own great advice! I had to realize that my recovery is
my number one priority, it's not a part-time job that I can
work at hit and miss. In order for me to find serenity and
sanity, I have to put it to work when I get up in the morning,
and say a prayer of gratitude before I go to sleep each night.

Today is a brand new day for me, I have options.....
It's my job to create some happiness in my life and look
around me with gratitude for all the blessings I have in
my life. I pray I never forget the lessons I've learned in
recovery, I thank God that I am not the person I used to be.

Peace on the journey, SunnyGirl

[caressa]

Good topic. A full time job for sure. It is a 24 hour a day program, not a 2-4 hour a day program. The nice thing is that when a day is not going well, I can start it all over again.

That is what I did when I made the decision to quit smoking. I had my last cigarette, and at 2:30 p.m. I said, "Just for today, I choose not to use." That was December 21, 1998., according to the sobriety calculator, I have been clean for 4269 days. It took me 7 years in recovery to come to a place where I was willing to give them up.

My job in today has certain responsibilities. The biggest being to carry the message to those who come behind me. So many people were there for me and have shared their journey with me.

The biggest condition is to keep up my own sobriety, you can't give away what you don't have.

I too had to learn how to practice self care. It was important to learn healthy habits. When I was using, I too didn't know how to make healthy decision for me. I lived through other people, so my journey is to find out who I am. I needed to define who I was and what I needed from recovery.

It is a one day at a time program. What stood me in good stead several weeks, months or even years ago, does not always work in today. I need always be watchful, open to new ideas and most of all, work on my connection with my Higher Power.

[BW]

My Only Job

My only job is to work my own recovery. I cannot work anyone else's recovery for them, I can barely keep up with my own. When I get my head stuck in other people's issues and become preoccupied with how they are doing, I lose my own grounding. Today I will ask myself the questions that are important for me to answer. HALT. Am I too hungry, angry, lonely or tired? If the answer is yes to any of these, I will attend to myself so that I don't act out, get down or pick up. I will ask myself if I have gotten enough exercise and rest. I will eat nutritious foods that give me the energy I need for my recovery and stay away from those foods that cause my blood sugar to spike then fall, leaving me depleted. I will seek out companionship and connection. I will make sure that I have kept time in my day for reflection and meditation.

I can take charge of my own experience.

- Tian Dayton Phd

[Lin]

Good posts! I agree...my job is to work MY program to the best of my ability. I have two "paying "jobs...but beyond that..I try to keep my side of the street swept, try to stay out of the choices of others, work my program, and do good things for others.

It's great to see you posting, FLUTTERING! Keep coming back!

LIN

[BW]

Tian Dayton changed her message but it's stilla good one..........

Secrets

Today I will be honest with myself and with others where appropriate. At least, I will no hide from the truth of my own life and inner being. I have the strength to live with the truth and the wisdom to know that the truth can set me free. Keeping secrets is a foolish attempt to stay safe from the truth. We tell ourselves we are sparing another person or protecting ourselves, but all too often the secrets that we keep actually keep us. What people need from me in order to make sense of me is the truth. When I withhold that truth, I withhold myself. I am creating distance that no one can cross because the way across the divide is the way of honesty. I can not make something better by lying, and I cannot be fully understood if I won 't give the benefit of the truth. I can live my life in a web of lies without ever uttering a falsehood. The web of lies is composed of not just what I say, but the vast amount of honesty that I withhold. There is a difference between considerate honesty and aggressive frankness. Honesty recognizes the personhood of both people and is an act of trust; but too much frankness can border on mean.

- Tian Dayton PhD

[caressa]

Just this morning, I heard of a group of young girls who want to get thin, who have pin ups of models who are thin and are their idols. Their goal is to look like them. I saw the recent Emmy Awards and saw girls who bones were showing, it looked ugly. Thin is not always beautiful. Some of the most attractive women I have seen have been overweight. It doesn't matter what we look like on the outside, it is the inside that dictates how we feel.

So many times, we want what we don't have. We don't realize that life is about balance. Recovery is about healthy choices and not about using people, places and things.

Many people look at things as abuse when we use too much and always want more. To not take as prescribed can also mean not taking what we should be taking. I knew a young girl who wouldn't take her prescription medicaiton for her mental problems so she could go out and drink because it said, "not to be taken with alcohol." She died. Her partner donated her Big Book to our group in her memory.

To not eat is to die. To be overweight is to die. Our body needs the nourishment of good food and we need to learn to make healthy choices. A healthy mind makes for a healthy body.

It is my job to make people aware. If you don't know, you can't change it.

[BW]

I will pray today. I will not try to do anything without God 's help whether it's finding something in a cupboard, figuring out what to have for breakfast or curing my life. I will allow God into each and every intimate detail in my life trusting that God's love is all pervasive, all knowing and cannot be used up. I understand that God's reach extends as I allow it to imbue my life with a sense of being alive and in constant, constant contact. It is not about being deserving, God and I are meant to be one in the same. It is not about being good enough, God is with me always, It is I who stray from God, not God who strays from me. Today I will allow God's presence to fill me and guide and hold my life. There is no such thing as poverty or lack when I live in God's eternal love and presence.

- Tian Dayton PhD

[BW]

I will consciously lift my own mood today. I have much more choice about what I feel that I realize. If I'm feeling stressed out, I will even out my breath and relax. If I'm obsessing about something, I will ask myself how important this thing will be in five years, I will remind myself that stressing only makes things worse. It clouds my judgment and makes everything bigger than it needs to be. If I set my mind toward being in a good mood, I will find a way to get there. My day will feel more pleasant. The events of my day will run more smoothly. I will be more available to myself and the people I encounter. I will change my thoughts today. If I see my thoughts veering toward the negative, I will consciously elevate them. I will gently steer myself in a more positive direction. What am I but the thoughts I think all day? The thoughts that go through my mind influence and define how I experience my life. I don't need to let myself be tossed all over the place by the events of my day. I can act on my day as well as letting my day act on me.

- Tian Dayton PhD

[BW]

I Thank You God

I will say 'thank you God' today each time something happens that feels nice. If I enjoy my cup of tea in the morning, I will say 'thank you God.' If I see a quarter on the sidewalk I will pick it up and thank God. If someone smiles at me in a way that feels good, if the sun feels warm on my back, if my car starts, my dinner is there or someone in my life is with me for another day, I will say 'thank you', recognizing that these are all blessings. By the end of the day, I will have thanked God for a lot of things. I will have remembered what makes my life worth living. I will have increased my conscious contact with the source of all good.

- Tian Dayton PhD

[caressa]

Support others with your presence

"The purpose of therapy is not to remove suffering but TO MOVE THROUGH IT to an enlarged consciousness that can sustain the polarity of painful opposites."

-- James Hollis

How do we support others who are suffering?

When we understand how soul works through us, we begin to see how pain generates the impulse to change. We see that our aim in supporting someone is NOT to get rid of their pain and suffering. Instead, we want to assist them to understand what the pain is trying to teach them -- to find meaning in their distress.

Often, all we need do is be fully present to them. It also helps to be present to our own experience and genuine in our feelings. Living our own truth helps create the space for the other person to live theirs.

"The first duty of love is to listen."

-- Paul Tillich

"With the gift of listening comes the gift of healing."

-- Catherine de Hueck Doherty

Higher Awareness - used with permission.

Like this, my job is to listen. It isn't my job to take the pain away, it is my job to support the person as they move through the pain.

[BW]

I will value my home today. I will take time for those I love. I know that my time is the most valuable thing I have to give. Our world runs at a fast pace, we are all on a track to get somewhere but, at the end of the day, where are we all going in such a rush? What am I looking for so hard in the future that makes it worth running right by my present?

- Tian Dayton PhD

[BW]

Remembering to Take Care of Myself

Today is a day to be reborn into the life I already have. To see and value it differently. To cherish it knowing that it is mine only for a while. I am God's gift to me. God has lovingly placed my life into my own hands to care for. God means for me to cherish and care for my own life in each and every way. I am responsible for what I do with me and what I do with my life. In caring for me, I am loving God's world. I am showing love and respect for what God has put into my hands until I rest once again in God's arms for all of eternity.

- Tian Dayton PhD

[BW]

Necessary Losses

Over the holidays I sometimes feel melancholy for people who are no longer around. Life is full of gains and losses, they are inevitable but I feel their loss more keenly during these days when family and friends gather. I recall what the holidays felt like when they were here. I will say a quiet prayer of appreciation for all that they have been to me and I will ask for the strength to go on without them in my daily life. And I will recognize that remembering them is honoring their spirit and what they meant to me. No one is ever really lost if I hold them in my heart. When I hold them with love, I feel full rather than empty. I feel blessed by their presence in my heart rather than punished by their absence. Or maybe a little of both, but holding them with appreciation lets the memory of them feel alive and nourishing.

- Tian Dayton PhD

[BW]

Forgiveness

Today I recognize forgiveness as the quickest road to freedom and serenity. When I forgive my past, I release myself from the grip that it has on my present. I no longer carry that heavy baggage around with me. It is difficult to live in peace today if I am psychically engaged in yesterday's battles. But I cannot forgive and release what I do not first feel and come to terms with. The type of forgiveness that bypasses this stage only pays lip service to letting go. I will do what I need to do today to process fully the issues in my life that remain unresolved so that I can let them go.

- Tian Dayton PhD

[BW]

Managing Added Stress

Stress affects my body and my mind. When I am under stress, I tend to do the same thing more intensely, but less efficiently. Stress undermines my state of health and makes me feel stuck in non productive, compulsive routines. I lose my spontaneity. Stress chemicals do everything from lock in the storage of fat cells to making my hair and nails brittle. Stress adds nothing to my day and it takes away a lot. Today when I feel stressed I will use my stress busters. I will take a walk or exercise, use my breathing to calm and quiet my nervous system, listen to music, take a warm bath or sit quietly by myself and meditate. I know what works best for me to get back into a relaxed space. Sometimes it's just collapsing in front of my favorite show. But the key is, I will notice when I am stressed and do something to counter it before it spins out of control. Today, I will take responsibility for my own state of calm.

- Tian Dayton PhD

[majestyjo]

Need my program just as much in today as I did when I came into recovery 29 years ago this month. August 8 was my day of surrender. I reached out and asked for help. I had a couple of glasses of white wine to celebrate a friend I met at school, who was going home to Hawaii. That was my last drink and the social worker helped me to get off meds and take as prescribed.

Thanks to my social worker who worked with me for my first year, I went through a recovery house and found the rooms of recovery, AA, NA, Al-Anon, and Women for Sobriety.

I was given so much, I could never repay what was given to me. I have done service from the start. At 2 years I was going into the jail, 4 years into detox, and 5 years treatment centers. I wouldn't have the recovery I have no if I hadn't done service and shared my recovery. Essence of Recovery was one of many sites that helped me over the years. That is why I keep coming. I still get a lot from the shares here.