Bottoms

[BW]

Friends and families often think: "If I give enough..If I do enough...If I love them enough...if I'm stricter, if I'm not as strict...if only... if only.......maybe they won't drink so much."

Others deny there is a pink elephant in the center of their living room...regardless ....the fact remains...Alcoholism is a disease, not a moral issue. When the bottom is cushioned or when others cover up the problem the result is - the disease progresses.

Tough love and good self care is the only answer. Being aware there is a problem and addressing it head on by not enabling is hard, sometimes painful but expereince has shown ...it works

Sometimes tough love is the only thing that works. Detachment isn't easy..It's even painful. May even feel as if your heart is being ripped in two...However it may be the only thing that may save their life.

[caressa]

Good topic, I learned many years ago, to set a cushion under their bottom makes for a softer landing and the problem doesn't look so bad and they continue to use.

With my son, he just went from one substance to another. I was just sharing with a friend on Sunday, his recovery can't come form me. I loved it when my phone rang and it was a recovery person so he could here my talk recovery talk. He did his best to close me out. Yet it was my control issues, my problem not his. The program will only work when he is ready.

As we say, it works when you work it, so work it you are worth it!

[SunnyGirl]

It was my daughter's addiction that brought me to
Alanon/Naranon.... I made all of the classic mistakes
with her early on, paying her rent, buying food, paying
her electric bill.... Her money went for drugs and it
broke my heart to see it happening. Tough love was the
difference, not sure she thought of it as love, but it made
her stop and think.... Mom's not paying the rent, no one
else would help her out, she'd pawned anything of value
that she owned.... I think my mental toughness and
refusal to rescue her allowed her to hit bottom much
quicker than had I continued to bail her out. She is not
considered clean and sober, she smokes "medical marijuana"
legally in California..... but she no longer has the mental
outlook of an addict, always needing more! Compared to
where she was, I can see she has grown and changed....

Next came my youngest son, he had abused alcohol off
and on all through high school.... I chalked it up to that's
what todays kids do, all his friends did! Duh, that doesn't
excuse his problem! At 19, (still not drinking age) he was
in a car with "friends" all were drunk, an accident.... my son
was thrown out of the car and landed on his head! he
survived and I prayed this time he would see he has a
problem with drinking.... still wasn't sure I would call him
an alcoholic.... he did slow down on the drinking but when
he turned 21 the lure of the bars brought him right back
into their arms..... He was assaulted, by another drunk,
hit upside the forehead with heavy bottomed beer mug...
doctor had to do a cranectomy, picking shards of bone out
of his sinus cavity and eye socket... he lost his eye sight
in one eye..... the earlier accident he lost his sense of
taste, smell and hearing in one hear.... not sure how many
more body functions or parts he can stand to lose!

But, I am still hopefull..... I no longer nag him about the
drinking and try not to comment on it. But then again he
doesn't show up on my doorstep drunk. Not sure if he will
move back home again, or will move in with new girl friend.
He knows how I feel about his drinking and I'm not sure
he wants to put me or himself in that position....

I am taking care of me, still setting boundaries, still trying
to detach with love, but as others have said, it's not easy
but yes, it is worth it! I get up each day and do the best
I can... I don't look to far down the road, it's still ODAT...

Hugs to each of you reading this.... SG

[BW]

Thanx SG

[caressa222]

Still is the key word We work this program one day at a time.