shutting the door

[lala]

i just wanted to talk a little bit about shutting the door...after a four yr relationship with a man i ended it only to keep opening the door and by opening the door only to be hurt and dissapointed one more time its like i enjoyed hurting one would think anyway but the answer i found thru writting is that ive never been alone before so all i knew was what i knew and that was having someone there by my side all the time. and when i ended it i couldnt handle being alone so of course i kept opening the door and here now after i was finally sick and tired of hurting and opening the door i finally seeked god and i was able to shut the door as hard and as painful as it was and now i continue to keep the door shut although today im having some grieving i think and if im correct its fairly normal and this too shall pass but its becuz of aa and my higher power that i am able to go thru this without picking up a drink or a drug and for that im truly greatful..lala

[~graced~]

My sponsor assured me that my 'picker was broken'. A testimony of that was when I inventoried my sex relations and found a common thread in them all.....they all carried weapons. I didn't think that was an all bad thing...LOL...more proof that I don't know what's good for me, eh? But I, too, hung onto relationships that were destructive and unhealthy. Pretty much, it was a reflection of where I believed my worth to be. Of course, I didn't have that clarity until I managed to commit to staying OUT of relationships for a period of time. When I was in the midst of the muck and mire, my vision was obscured. I was one who needed to get out to see clearly...and that getting out period revealed a whole lot about the hole inside of me, that baseline belief that noone could truly love me--not even G-d.

Discovering that opened doors for me to do some things differently. The steps pointed me in the direction of a relationship with my higher power--and that's where I spent my time and energy--working the steps and being of service to G-d and others.

Take the time for you, eh? Hard stuff, closing doors and leaving them shut. Fear did strange things to me and convinced me to go back over and over again. Today I know what to do when fear strikes and I don't have to keep doing what doesn't work.

Good on you to recognize it wasn't a healthy thing for you. A day at a time--it'll get better....G-d takes good care of His children, on this you can rely!

[TxRainwater]

I too am finding myself right now, shutting the door on ANOTHER relationship/marriage. My 'picker' is/was broken too...LOL.
Seems I had no real image of who I truly am. Through this program of AA I am beginning to learn. The healthier I am, the healthier my relationships will be. I no longer have to 'fix' someone or seek out someone that I am hoping to 'fix' me. I have to work on myself, a day at a time, just doing what I can to chip away at those defects of MINE, in order to be whole within myself and not be 'needy' or a rescuer.
I tell ya, it is work for me!!! I can find myself slippin back into that mode so easily and justify it so sweetly...LOL. I have to get honest with myself and that has never been something I wanted to do in the past. If I was without a significant other, I was a nobody. I know today that is a lie. I can be alone without being lonely. Most of the time. I am a work in progress.
I know I don't want to reopen the door to all of the pain again. I don't have to do that today. I found myself doing that toooooooo many times. Searching for others to fill the void in me. I now have a higher power that fills that hole and am hangin onto those promises for dear life some days.
Today is a good day.
Hope you all are having a sweet sober sunny day.

Love and Light,
Brenda

[preciouschihua]

I like the picker broken part.

I am right with yall

Suz