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Post by caressa222 on Mar 15, 2018 16:10:35 GMT -5
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Post by majestyjo on Mar 18, 2018 2:17:25 GMT -5
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Post by caressa222 on Mar 28, 2018 19:25:11 GMT -5
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Post by majestyjo on Mar 29, 2018 8:19:19 GMT -5
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Post by majestyjo on Mar 29, 2018 8:24:42 GMT -5
Saw this at my chiropractor's office yesterday. Surprised I remember it in today.
Do you know why angels fly so fast???
Because they take a "Hare" plane.
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Post by majestyjo on Mar 29, 2018 8:30:07 GMT -5
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Post by majestyjo on Apr 6, 2018 9:52:38 GMT -5
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Post by majestyjo on Apr 6, 2018 10:38:52 GMT -5
Q: Why did God create man before He created woman? A: Because He didn't want any advice on how to do it!  A rerun but still funny: Three sisters age 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together. One night the 96 year old draws a bath, puts her foot in and pauses. She yells down the stairs, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?" The 94 year old yells back, "I don't know, I'll come up and see." She starts up the stairs and pauses, then she yells, "Was I going up the stairs or coming down?" The 92 year old was sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to her sisters. She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never get that forgetful." She knocks on wood for good measure. She then yells, "I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door." |
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Post by majestyjo on Apr 10, 2018 12:34:02 GMT -5
 This is a repeat, but every time I see it I have to laugh. |
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Post by majestyjo on Apr 14, 2018 20:31:07 GMT -5
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Post by majestyjo on Apr 14, 2018 20:34:21 GMT -5
A rerun but most of them are. Some are just older than others.  |
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Post by caressa222 on Apr 20, 2018 22:54:35 GMT -5
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Post by caressa222 on Apr 20, 2018 22:57:59 GMT -5
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Post by majestyjo on Apr 21, 2018 2:45:23 GMT -5
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Post by majestyjo on Apr 26, 2018 15:12:10 GMT -5
The Blond and the Bank
A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she is going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5000.
The bank officers says the bank will need some kind of security for such a loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce, parked on the street, in front of the bank.
Everything checks out, and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. An employee drives the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.
Two weeks later, the blonde returns and repays the $5000, and the interest, which is $15.41.
The loan officer says, "We are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is why would you bother to borrow $5000?"
The blonde replied, "Where else in New York City can I park my car for 2 weeks for $15.00?"
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Post by majestyjo on Apr 27, 2018 22:09:46 GMT -5
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Post by majestyjo on Apr 29, 2018 16:10:42 GMT -5
An Old Prospector
An old prospector shuffled into the town of El Indio, Texas
leading a tired old mule.
The old man headed straight for the only saloon in town, to
clear his parched throat.
He walked up to the saloon and tied his old mule to the
hitch rail.
As he stood there, brushing some of the dust from his face
and clothes, a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon
with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whisky in the other.
The young gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed,
saying, "Hey old man, can you dance?"
The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said, "No son, I
don't dance . . . never really wanted to."
A crowd had gathered as the gunslinger grinned and said,
"Well, you old fool, you're gonna dance now!" and started
shooting at the old man's feet.
The old prospector, not wanting to get a toe blown off,
started hopping around like a flea on a hot skillet.
Everybody standing around was laughing.
When his last bullet had been fired, the young gunslinger,
still laughing, holstered his gun and turned around to go
back into the saloon.
The old man turned to his pack mule, pulled out a
double-barreled 12 gauge shotgun and thingyed both hammers.
The loud clicks carried clearly through the desert air. The
crowd stopped laughing immediately.
The young gunslinger heard the sounds too, and he turned
around very slowly.
The silence was deafening. The crowd watched as the young
gunman stared at the old timer and the large gaping holes of
those twin 12 gauge barrels.
The barrels of the shotgun never wavered in the old man's
hands, as he quietly said;
"Son, have you ever kissed a mule's bottom?"
The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, "No sir .. . . but .
. . but I've always wanted to."
There are a few lessons for all of us here:
* Don't be arrogant.
* Don't waste ammunition.
* Whisky makes you think you're smarter than you are.
* Always make sure you know who is in control.
* And finally, don't mess around with old folks; they didn't
get old by being stupid.
I just love a story with a happy ending, don't you?
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Post by majestyjo on May 7, 2018 11:46:12 GMT -5
Wit and Wisdom of Will Rogers
Don't squat with your spurs on.
If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.
If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.
There's two theories to arguin' with a woman. Neither one works.
If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.
When you're throwin' your weight around, be ready to have it thrown around by somebody else.
The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in your pocket.
There are three kinds of men. The one that learns by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to touch the electric fence for themselves.
From bluidkiti
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Post by caressa222 on May 12, 2018 20:12:33 GMT -5
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Post by caressa222 on May 18, 2018 20:27:41 GMT -5
THIS IS A RERUN, HAVEN'T BEEN POSTING DUPLICATES BUT THIS IS PRICELESS! 
DOUBLE YOUR PLEASURE!
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. I will be back looking for Lin and others.
Jun 20, 2021 7:32:46 GMT -5
. I will be back looking for Lin and others.
Jun 20, 2021 7:32:46 GMT -5