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Post by majestyjo on May 21, 2018 15:37:20 GMT -5
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Post by caressa222 on May 24, 2018 18:48:18 GMT -5
Kitty Prayer Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray this cushy life to keep. I pray for toys that look like mice, And sofa cushions, soft and nice. I pray for gourmet kitty snacks, And someone nice to scratch my back, For windowsills all warm and bright, For shadows to explore at night. I pray I'll always stay real cool And keep the secret feline rule To NEVER tell a human that The world is really ruled by CATS!  |
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Post by majestyjo on May 25, 2018 13:07:55 GMT -5
 Q. Why is a bee’s hair always sticky? A. Because it uses a honey comb! |
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Post by caressa222 on May 28, 2018 23:02:28 GMT -5
 What is red and smells like blue paint? Red paint. |
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Post by majestyjo on Jun 2, 2018 10:58:55 GMT -5
 When I see a kid acting out, I always want to say, "Who is the parent here?" |
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Post by majestyjo on Jun 6, 2018 9:37:53 GMT -5
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Post by majestyjo on Jun 10, 2018 8:43:31 GMT -5
 A violinist went to sleep. His dream was like this: An angel appeared from the skies and told him:"I have two news to tell you. One is good news and the other one is bad news . With which one should I start?" And the violinist replied: "With the good one". The angel continues: "After you die you will go to heaven. And in heaven you will be sitting besides Paganini, in the heaven´s Orchestra.". The violinist, stunned with this amazing news, asked about the bad news, and the angel replied: "The bad news is that your first rehearsal starts tomorrow". |
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Post by majestyjo on Jun 12, 2018 7:00:57 GMT -5
Saw a swan having a game of chess with a bird with a big beak. I thought “toucan play that game.” Saw some young swans that kept dancing when a particular song started. Apparently it was their cygnet-ure tune. Where do swans invest their cash? In the stork market. |
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Post by majestyjo on Jun 12, 2018 7:36:51 GMT -5
p.s. not very funny when you have to sign in for the 3rd time to post it. I am having trouble typing I, it generall shows up as "i" and I have to try several times to correct it. It is the capital key that isn't working, not the i key, which means everything which is typed with my right hand, can be troublesome. Not funny! Yes it is.   |
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Post by majestyjo on Jun 15, 2018 22:22:01 GMT -5
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Post by caressa222 on Jun 21, 2018 22:28:00 GMT -5
Mary announced that she was going to start a diet to lose some pounds she had put on recently. "Great," Sue exclaimed. "I'm ready to start a diet too. We can be dieting buddies and help each other out. And when I feel the urge to drive out and get a burger and fries, I'll call you first." Snagged from bluidkiti Bear with me.  |
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Post by majestyjo on Jun 23, 2018 14:31:47 GMT -5
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Post by majestyjo on Jun 23, 2018 16:16:29 GMT -5
A company offered tours through the historic district, led by guides dressed in Colonial clothing. While leading a group, one of the guides, tripped and fell, breaking his wrist.
He went to the hospital, and as he sat waiting in the emergency room, a policeman walked by.
Doing a double take at him in his 18th-century garb he asked, "Just how long have you been waiting?"
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A father of five children came home with a new toy. He summoned his children and asked which of them should be given the present: "Who is the most obedient one here? Who never talks back to Mom and does everything that Mom says to do?"
There were a few seconds of silence, and then all of the children said in one accord: "So that means you get it, Daddy??!"
Snagged from bluidkiti
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Post by majestyjo on Jun 24, 2018 20:08:12 GMT -5
 What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down? It gets toad away. ==================== Q: Is Google male or female? A: Female, because it doesn't let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion. ==================== Teacher: "If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?" Johnny: "Seven." Teacher: "No, listen carefully... If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?" Johnny: "Seven." Teacher: "Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?" Johnny: "Six." Teacher: "Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?" Johnny: "Seven!" Teacher: "Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!" Johnny: "Because I've already got a freaking cat!" ================== Heard this joke a long time ago. Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?" Student: "Meat!" Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?" Student: "Bacon!" Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?" Student: "Homework!" Anonymous74813 18541 A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family." Anonymous45259 11316 My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face. funny jokes30798 6906 What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down? It gets toad away. ZDW23959 10547 Q: Is Google male or female? A: Female, because it doesn't let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion. Montgomery...16150 6188 Q: What did the duck say when he bought lipstick? A: "Put it on my bill." TheLaughFa...15241 8271 Teacher: "If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?" Johnny: "Seven." Teacher: "No, listen carefully... If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?" Johnny: "Seven." Teacher: "Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?" Johnny: "Six." Teacher: "Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?" Johnny: "Seven!" Teacher: "Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!" Johnny: "Because I've already got a freaking cat!" Capricorn3714864 2758 Mr. and Mrs. Brown had two sons. One was named Mind Your Own Business & the other was named Trouble. One day the two boys decided to play hide and seek. Trouble hid while Mind Your Own Business counted to one hundred. Mind Your Own Business began looking for his brother behind garbage cans and bushes. Then he started looking in and under cars until a police man approached him and asked, "What are you doing?" "Playing a game," the boy replied. "What is your name?" the officer questioned. "Mind Your Own Business." Furious the policeman inquired, "Are you looking for trouble?!" The boy replied, "Why, yes." Anonymous12739 2505 A blonde and a redhead have a ranch. They have just lost their bull. The women need to buy another, but only have $500. The redhead tells the blonde, "I will go to the market and see if I can find one for under that amount. If I can, I will send you a telegram." She goes to the market and finds one for $499. Having only one dollar left, she goes to the telegraph office and finds out that it costs one dollar per word. She is stumped on how to tell the blonde to bring the truck and trailer. Finally, she tells the telegraph operator to send the word "comfortable." Skeptical, the operator asks, "How will she know to come with the trailer from just that word?" The redhead replies, "She's a blonde so she reads slow: 'Come for ta bull.'" |
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Post by majestyjo on Jun 27, 2018 21:45:55 GMT -5
 What did the Buffalo say when his son left? Bison. What do you call a fish without any eyes? Fsh! |
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Post by majestyjo on Jun 29, 2018 10:29:24 GMT -5
 joke of the day Q: Why did the blonde return the puzzle? A: It was broken |
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Post by majestyjo on Jul 4, 2018 7:24:41 GMT -5
 Question: What do you call bears with no ears? Answer: B I waited and stayed up all night and tried to figure out where the sun was. Then it dawned on me.  |
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Post by majestyjo on Jul 6, 2018 11:56:07 GMT -5
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Post by caressa222 on Jul 7, 2018 20:54:02 GMT -5
 What did the traffic light say to the other traffic light? A: Don't look I'm changing!!!!! --- Q: What do you call a midget psychic who just escaped from prison? A: A small medium at large. |
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Post by majestyjo on Jul 9, 2018 8:24:39 GMT -5
 A wino was staggering down the beach hungover and sick..His mouth was dry,and he wanted a drink bad...He was checking all the empty cans and bottles he found looking for a corner of a bottle.. He found a bottle ,pulled the cork,and out popped a genie Genie said,great,i`m free,I have been in there for 3500 yrs...you get 2 free wishes! The wino thought about it for a minute,and said,I want a bottle of wine that will never run dry... poof! There, in his hands was a fresh bottle of wine.He pulled the cork and took a slug..the bottle refilled itself.Great he said...The genie said, hurry up, I`ve got some catching up to do...the wino thought for a minute,and asked the genie, you got one more bottle like this? __________________ There are no strangers in AA, just friends I haven`t met yet |
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. I will be back looking for Lin and others.
Jun 20, 2021 7:32:46 GMT -5
. I will be back looking for Lin and others.
Jun 20, 2021 7:32:46 GMT -5