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Post by frogdog on Apr 11, 2004 13:02:06 GMT -5
Today I am having a very difficult day. My husband and I have been arguing about who knows what. He doesn't understand the stress I'm under with looming finals nor does he understand that the program I'm in is very difficult. He simply doesn't understand and there is nothing I can do to make him understand.
What I want to do very badly is say F it to everything and go get wasted. I realize this is because I'm angry and am turning it inward. I want to hurt myself and this is the easiest way.
I am so bottled up right now, and I am too stiff to go walk it off.
It's Sunday at 2 p.m. my time. I'll stay logged on in case anyone is out there and reading this. I could use a hug.
Frogdog.
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Post by dg on Apr 11, 2004 21:11:09 GMT -5
((( frogdog))) Altho I am from the other side, I have been reading your post from day one, and you have inspired me at how one can make it work when they want to.  I used to argue with my A all the time because he wouldn't tell me what he was feeling when he was sober. It fusterated me endless. Now that I am working my own program, I am on a much more understanding level when the situation arise again, when he gets out of prison, sober.. once again.( I hope) Hang in there. Those bad days can be the days that proves you are the strongest over all. and oh, yeah here is a HUG for you. (((((frogdog))) I care.. and hope tomorrow will be a better day for you. |
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Post by Caressa2 on Apr 11, 2004 21:17:31 GMT -5
Well my hug is a bit late because I just got home from being at my son's for Easter.
Hope you made it through the day. It is okay to disagree, and I hope you remembered to give yourself a hug. You deserve it, you are worthwhile!
Love and Hugs ((((Frogdog))))
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Post by dordep on Apr 12, 2004 18:22:32 GMT -5
Dear (((Frogdog))), Here are some more hugs....can NEVER have enough hugs and am still praying for you everyday. I think of you periodically throughout the day and wonder what you are doing and how you are feeling. Well, being's that I'm not a mindreader, I then turn you over to my Higher Power, and let Him take care of you and Me just for today. Believe me, if you go out and get trashed, you will hate yourself and be full of guilt. That is what alcoholism wants to do to you. Say NO to it, just for today and keep it very, very simple. love ya friend , 
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Post by dordep on Apr 12, 2004 18:26:04 GMT -5
 Somebody, my posts seemed to be stuck on 22...don't know who fixes that or what is wrong..please look into it love ya,
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Post by SunnyGirl on Apr 12, 2004 21:28:41 GMT -5
( ( ( ( Frogdog ) ) ) )
I have been following your thread, but being
your friend from accross the hall, I have not
been responding to your post. I just wanted
you to know you are in my thoughts and prayers
and I wanted to send you a big hug....
Peace on the journey, SG
(Dorrie, I know when you start a thread, the #
goes up, but when you respond I am not sure the
# increases. I will keep watching my posts and
let you know)
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Post by frogdog on Apr 13, 2004 7:09:23 GMT -5
Gosh, those hugs were really felt!
I'm much better as of yesterday. After I wrote here on Sunday, my husband and I talked peacefully. I told him how I had wanted to go get trashed after our argument. He was glad I hadn't, and I am sooooo glad too. We went to a movie later and I was able to get escape there.
I've decided to make time to pray every day. I've always used prayer in times of thankfulness or despair and it has always been such a great comfort. I have thought that I pray little prayers throughout the day while I'm doing other things. But, I find that when I look back on my day, I haven't prayed at all.
I thought about it yesterday and realized that prayer is so calming and centering, so I might try to take actual time EVERY day, not just when I'm on my bike or walking out my gate. You know, like 10 minutes in the morning. Getting into the routine is the key, I think.
I am so glad I didn't go out on Sunday and drink, but yesterday a couple of times I thought to myself that I would have a few beers over the break. "What will that hurt?" I thought.
Sometimes I wish my drinking had been so out of control that my symptoms would have been harsher....like losing a job or getting into legal trouble. I'm thankful that I don't have to clean up all of that, but because I have been able to moderate or I haven't done outward damage, my mind starts to say, "you're no different than so and so when he/she drinks, and they don't have a problem..."
Truth is, many of the so and so's that say they don't have drinking problems and maintain their lives in good working order, do drink and drive, or blackout, or put drinking first in their families. So, while I'm not here to tell them whether or not they have a problem, I must consider: do I want to live their life? I don't want to live my life when I'm getting drunk, so I guess the answer is no.
I have to go through this thought process when I start to think it's okay to drink. Remember the night I blackedout and passed out by the gate. Remember the last time I drank and how I didn't get all that messed up, but woke up the next morning wanting to die. Remember that I use alcohol to distance myself from feeling. Remember that one drink leads to the next, always.
I'm off to pray. I'll pray for each of you, even if I don't know your names. I'll pray for the earth and peace. And, I'll pray for me because I need it.
Peace and love,
Frogdog
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Post by Caressa2 on Apr 13, 2004 7:31:33 GMT -5
Thank youf for the prayers because I needed them too, we all can use some I think, this is a daily program. For me, prayer is "where it is at!" Without taking time to pray, then taking time to meditate and have that conscious contact with my Higher Power and listen for the answers, I am back playing God with my life and in the lives of others.
This ia disease that tells you that you don't have it no matter how far down the road it takes you. It is no respector of persons. It affects you mentally, emotionally, spiritually and physically. I know as a result of my justification, rationalization and denial because I didn't want to wear the title, I stayed sick for a long time. I stayed clean because I came to meetings and did all the do things, but I still left that door open to go back out and it was the lack of acceptance that kept me from having the freedom from active addition. I was still in bondage and couldn't get the freedom this program promises until I did accept my disease and all of my defestating weaknesses as it says in the AA literature.
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Post by dordep on Apr 14, 2004 11:54:16 GMT -5
;D
Dear (((Frogdog))),
Just a short note today to let you know I'm thinking of and praying for you.
I'm anxious to start the monday night aa meeting after i get thru all the nuclear tests on my heart. I didn't know they were invasive...unless you mean the heart catheterization. They told me I didn't have to have that yet.
Imagine me taking good care of myself. I couldn't eat the last 18 months of my drinking...all i could hold down was booze. I wouldn't wish this disease on my worst enemy....it's a killer.
Well, take good care and have a great 24 !
love ya,
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Post by Baritone on Apr 20, 2004 7:45:46 GMT -5
Frogdog,
I've been reading your posts and relating a lot to what you and others have been saying. Thanks for reminding me of the importance of prayer and exercise. It's funny how i can think i'm so busy that i don't have time for things like prayer ... when in reality it takes, what, 10 seconds for me to ask my higher power each morning to be with me today --- and what a difference that can make in my day!
And it's a beautiful day today (thanks HP!) for a bike ride.
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Post by bigbookway on Apr 27, 2004 4:19:33 GMT -5
I do not believe in 90/90
I really believed when i got to AA July 20th 1997, I finally got with it by going into the big book and did the 12 steps. I was desparate and I really believe that 90/90 does not work. because when we get 90 days... then what?
I was in and out of AA from 1981 to 1997. I did many many 90's.
I learned the psycho bable from meetings... going to lots and lots of meetings... get a sponsor and get involve in service work.
psycho babble: learn the lingo, speak the same as others and find a great click that thinks and talks like you.
go to lots and lots of meetings... self explanatory.
get a sponsor: all depends who ya get as a sponsor... is he a sober thief? does he practice 13th step? Is he the one with 20 sponsees? Is he the most popular? Does he still smoke pot?
orrrrrrr... is his nose stuck in his big book> 12 steps? does he know how the steps work? properly?
If you get involve in service work, you wont need to think about a drink. if you drink.... orrrr you cannot drink because you have a job to do in service work?
]
on and on it goes.
I am a firm believer after 16 years later that i had to get a good big book sponsor.... big book....12 steps.... and get involve in helping others after i did my 12 steps. I also believe i need God.
I only go to meetings that deals with 12 steps, big book and discussion groups. i am down to one meeting a week. But the drink is gone away from me. i dont think about that drink. The obsession left me about 6 years ago. I have not had a thought of having a drink since. it left me after step 9.
Aubrey
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Post by johnnysgirl on Apr 27, 2004 13:12:21 GMT -5
Aubrey----I was reading your reply to Frog Dog and I have to say that I strongly disagree with you. 90 meeting in 90 days is one of the first goals a newcomer is challenged to meet. When they hit 90 days it is the big decision has the program helped them??? Do they want to go back to drinking??? Like it says in How It Works:WE STOOD AT THE TURNING POINT. I think 90 days is the turning point either get sober or go back to drinking. I think it is a real good way to separate the people who are
serious about sobriety from those who are not!!! Just my own opinion after
20 years of sobriety....Mistyeve
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Post by bigbookway on Apr 28, 2004 5:35:14 GMT -5
Thats good you disagree.
But I still believe that if anyone is serious with their sobriety, i strongly believe they are ready to take certain steps.
I will not go to meetings and say the same things other members say and learn psycho babble. i strongly believe that if a person is desparate enough and wanting sobriety....they would go to any lengths to get it. We stood at the turning point.... then that person is ready to take certain steps.
Bill W did them
dr bob did them
alcoholic number 3 did the first 3 steps in a couple of days. page 189 in the big book... 3rd edition.
Thats what i believe. I also believe that many in AA today are mostly heavy drinkers. they can moderate and quit all together on their own free will because I dont know how alot of alcoholics stay sober without the steps, god as they understand Him and the big book. just go to meetings. that is why i feel many diagnose themselves as alcoholics when they are not. The only thing that protects them is tradition 3. And if they say they are alcoholic. There are many that have mental problems. Back to heavy drinkers, they have to have a good reson to stop drinking. I have heard people at meetings that they quit because the doctor told him his liver is really affected by alcohol. He gives up drinking and stays stop? that to me is they have to have a good reason to stop drinking.
I didnt. i was a hard core low down drinking alcoholic.
I believe 90/90 is lame.
Aubrey (male)
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Post by johnnysgirl on Apr 28, 2004 8:12:36 GMT -5
Mr Aubrey---It takes all kinds to make a world and you are a good example to me of why the slogan LIVE & LET LIVE WAS created. Tradition 4 says that we have the right to be wrong and that we also have rule #62. This is all in the
12 & 12 NOT the big book so you may not be aware of it????? We share our ESH &
also our opinions. These are mine.....
MISTYEVE
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Post by trucker on Apr 28, 2004 9:09:45 GMT -5
Well. If you like talking to your self your in the right place it seem's
Not much ESH here...
Might be easyer to creat a jurnal lol..
But I have found this to be lacking in AA matters
if your anything else its fine,,
Might i sugest
Shoot my self in the foot can't find the web sight..
But its a good place to catch an online meeting think it might still be here in the adds.
I have put message here befor anf gonr bye like the candle in the wind.
Might step on toe's but sometime the TRUTH need not be EXPLANED it stand alone for all to see.
And thats My Opinion !
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Post by trucker on Apr 28, 2004 9:16:43 GMT -5
www.recoverychat.com/Looks like you need somone to talk at now and not in a message base the abouve addie is a 24 hr meeting online. You might feal more helpful, or not But couldn't hurt to try. Good luck One Day, One Hour , One Minete at a time what ever works JUST WORK IT.
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Post by bigbookway on Apr 28, 2004 17:11:17 GMT -5
Sorry i put fear in ya johnny but thats is my facts.
If there is rule 62... what are the rest? I really believe that if its NOT in the big book...it is void. That is why i dont go to meetings anymore because of men and women and treatment centers changed the whole format of AA since the 50's and now it is all watered down to nothing. The reason why many many alcoholics go back out drinking because they usually have nothing to keep them sober that would give them any solid truth.
keep coming back
easy does it
90/90
we will love ya til you love yourself
and all that other hog wash.
bigbook, 12 steps, and God. That is solid truth.
90/90 is still hogwash.
newcomers...if you ever read this.... remember to think about getting 90/90 and when you acheive it... ask yourself one question....what now?
well first week of sobriety I suggest you get a bigbook and start studying Doctors Opinion and look for the powerlessness and obsession, phenomenon of craving etc.
I believe in LIVE AND LET LIVE... but i like to show the newcomer the other way around about getting real sobriety.... before they get sucked into the AA meeting jargon.
Newcomer, if you have any problems with the bigbook.... write me an email and i would be glad to help.
write me at TEXT
in the title... write in TEXT
I believe in the original AA meetings from 1939 til 1955.
Aubrey
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Post by bigbookway on Apr 28, 2004 17:12:32 GMT -5
newcomers write me at bigbookway@yahoo.com.au
aubrey
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Post by frogdog on Apr 28, 2004 20:21:33 GMT -5
Whatever day (#) this is, I don't even know. It's Weds and the end of the semester, grades complete and now I'm looking at 1.5 weeks of free time, my trigger.
Seems like there has been some problem with the title of this thread. That's okay. My intention of the "90/90" was to rededicate myself to staying sober, not necessarily to doing 90/90 and then what.
I am looking forward to the online support group that will start on Mondays....right?
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Post by johnnysgirl on Apr 28, 2004 21:12:27 GMT -5
I just want to say that the Big Book was written in 1939 and the 12 steps & 12 traditions was written in the 1946. They were both written by AA cofounder
Bill Wilson. The steps are for the individual members and the traditions are for the groups. The 12 & 12 has the steps explained as well as the traditions. There was 10 years of ESH experience when the 12 & 12 was written
as AA had been in existance for 10 yrs.
The 4th tradition gives a story of a group that had 61 rules before you could join. The group was way too serious and that is where rule #62 comes from:DON'T TAKE YOURSELF SO DAMMM
SERIOUS!!! Bugs Bunny said the same thing and I don't know who said it 1st
but either way Bill W. or Bugs Bunny I
agree to not take life so serious cuz you will never get out of it alive!!!!
MISTYEVE
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~With Peace & Love, dg~ 8*)[/b][/size]
. I will be back looking for Lin and others.